!Belong
Belonging, I think everyones want to belong somewhere, be associated with something or someone. After all, no man is an island on his own.
Yet, I’ve come to learn that the complexity of human relationships makes it a very difficult thing to handle. All 23 years of my life I’ve thought the only way to keep a relationship going is to give, be it money, things, attention, whatever.
But at the end of the day I’ll start questioning myself if doing these things will mean anything. I don’t wanna blow my own horn but many many times, I feel like I give too much and get little in return. Although I shouldn’t demand for anything, it’s these little things that add up kill me. Perhaps I’m just envious of the fact that some people can naturally have it all and I can’t. Inferiority complex. :(
My sis told me a few weeks back that this way of looking at life is very flawed. I think deep down I know something is wrong with my approach too. But what if I tell you that I have no idea what the correct approach should be like?
A friend made a comment saying that I have got “a lot of friends here.”
So why then do I feel like I don’t belong anywhere?
Few Days of Living Alone
While everyone was off in Malaysia, I stayed over at Make Studios (aka my future). One thing good about living alone is that you never have to worry about people bugging or nagging at you.
The bad thing is that being at Clarke Quay, everything is freaking overpriced. But it was good, I spent a few days in quiet just doing work, and I think I levelled up.
On a reflective note... To most people, I may seem to have a very high tolerance for things (correct me if I'm wrong). But I don't. I just keep quiet because I don't know how to voice out without sounding like an arse. Perhaps I doubt my own reasons for hanging on to that "right", that could be it.
I think I better sort this out soon. I hate to know that I can do work well, but fail at communicating with people. Argh.
Two Months Over
Who would have thought that two months would just pass like that? In all the busyness of work, time just flew by. What didn’t help was the constant reminder of how old I was, which was amplified by the never-ending barrages of birthdays this month. Thank you all, Capricorn babies.
So anyway, I’m writing this post at 0511H in the morning because I couldn’t really sleep anymore. Bogged down by a lot of thoughts recently.
Of late, progress on the army project has been awfully slow, it doesn’t help that I am learning and doing at the same time. Thankfully, prior ActionScripting experience has made the transition to Objective C a little bit less painful.
I need to improve my skills.